I am not going to succeed in astronomy, which is the one thing I want to do with my life. Not one bit. Want to know why? Because I am not good at math. I mean I'm not horrible at it, but I'm not, by any stretch of the word, good at it. The problem is that I NEED to be good at it. If I can't do math, then I can't do astronomy. If I can't do astronomy, then my entire future is ruined. I seriously have no idea what I want to do with my life if I don't go into astronomy.
Math is a subject that I have a complicated relationship with. I'm good at it sometimes. Sometimes (a lot of the time) I suck at it. I can't do math under pressure at all (not even simple math), which is why I do so badly on math quizzes/tests. I'm just bad at anything under pressure though. Even simple things like reading and writing. I can't do them if there is any pressure on me. If I am given time to figure things out, I can generally do math. Another thing that helps me understand is to work backwards. If you give me the answer, and then tell me why and how you got it, then I always understand it better than just through example problems. But, math class isn't set up the way I want. We move fast through things and the teacher sucks. If I end the year with a B I will be surprised.
But, there's a problem there. I can't get a B in math. I need to do well, incredibly well, in math to succeed in what I want to do. I don't see myself succeeding in math right now...which means that I won't succeed in astronomy. Which means that I have to re-think my entire future.
Ever since I discovered astronomy, I never thought I would want to do anything else with my life. But, if I do not have the skills to be able to do professional astronomy, I HAVE to think of something else to do. The problem is...what? There isn't a single thing I love to do more than astronomy, and if I can't pursue that as my future...then what is my future anyway?
I really need to re-think some things right now...
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