Compulsive need to make another friends post

If you happen to be Aki, you should remember this. But if you don't happen to be Aki, then you wouldn't remember it. So, I'm going to make another post about le friends and how awesome they are, here goes:

So, as you may or may not know, I am socially awkward. I think this comes from some self-esteem problems I have and a fear of rejection that I probably have. At the beginning of 9th grade, which also happened to be the beginning of my time at WT, I didn't have any friends. I was afraid of EVERYONE. Something else that didn't help was Noah. He told me at one point in the summer that "I'm not going to be hanging out with you that much. I have my own friends at school, you're going to have to make your own friends." This is what I said in my mind: "FUCKETY FUCK FUCK THAT!!!" and this is what I said out loud: "Okay..." I had reason to say this, as Noah was my ONLY friend at the time. I didn't want to be like "Fuck you!" and like loose my only friend, so I just went along with it. So, I started out the school year with no friends. It was horrible. I stayed this way until like later first trimester, where I started talking to some people, but not very many. I spent most of my frees and all lunches in the library alone without other people. Around second trimester, I became better friends with Nick and Jon, and temporarily joined their group, but only as kind of like a drifter. But then around the end of second trimester, my current group of close friends started to materialize. Originally it consisted of me, Noah, Erika, and Mathieu. Then, later, Abi and Emma joined. Then, Emma left. Then this year Abi left (or at least as far as I can tell she did, I mean she's not in the like official group, but she is still friends with most of us) and Rohun joined. But this isn't really the point of this entry, the point is to thank my friends for being there, but I thought a little backstory about my awkwardness may help. Now on to the main part:

Anyone who has been in the same room as me can tell I am an INCREDIBLY awkward person. The fact that I have any friends at all is still astounding to me. But, I do, and they are the best people ever. At the beginning of last year, even though I didn't talk to anyone, I saw them and judged them (which isn't good, and I know that now). One of my current friends happens to be a person who I judged at the beginning of last year to be someone who I would never want to talk to. Erika, to be specific. She was part of the really annoying people, which included Katie H, Heather G, and others. But, later in the year, I got to know her (obviously) and she turned out to be an awesome person, and a GREAT friend. How I got such good friends, I'll never know. But, I'm so glad to have all you guys. Even people who aren't officially in my "group." E.g. Aki, Sarah, Nick, Jon, etc. You guys are all incredibly amazing! I know when you first meet me, I'm incredibly awkward and hard to get along with (though this doesn't really apply to Aki, Sarah, Nick, or Jon since they all met me before I became this awkward), but once I get to know you better I start to be more fun to be around. Thank you guys so so much for staying friends with me through that awkward stage. It really means A LOT to me. You guys are my favorite people ever, and I'm so lucky to have you all. You guys are really the best!








P.S. I made another blog today, but deleted it. I posted it on my DA if you want to read it. Basically that means if Aki wants to read it.